Went to see the doctor about the headaches I had the whole day yesterday - like every time I stood up, and there was this funny moment when the nurse commented, "Your daughter's name is almost the same as his (the doctor's) wife's!" and my mum replied, "Yes, because I named her after his wife." And she told the nurses the story behind my name - how the doctor and his family are our neighbours and his wife helped my mum when she was going into labour with me. As a thank-you, I was named after her. I never knew we had the same surname though.

Oh and I also found out something else. My brother and sister have names beginning with J, so I thought I was supposed to be a J before the incident, but my sister said my parents originally meant to name me Samantha. guess it's because I was a sort of an "accident".

I just finished doing some research for the WSS essay and coming up with an outline of my points, and as a change from all the intensity and 'darkness' of WSS, I'm going to post some of my favourite photos, mostly from 2008/9:

Photos (:











UK trip! (nostalgic right?)
















took this on the first day of the UK trip. Coincidentally there were two people walking together at the end that gives it that special touch :)












love the golden autumn leaves (yes I do know it wasn't autumn then - but it sounds so much nicer and more appropriate)












as all wonderful things are, this was an accident - he just happened to be doing that when I took the picture :). Oh and this is Tuki. Contrary to your first impression, he's a boy, he's much older than he looks (12 years to be exact) but acts just as young as he looks. He's been with me since I was 5, has a sweet nature and lots of character, and has taught me so much about loving and caring - he's probably the only one I can honestly say I've loved everyday.


Coming up (hopefully!):
photo of the 7 of us with our colourful postcards
photo of 409 on our class birthday (9 April :) )
photo of me and Jen
photo of me, Jen and Jing Yi
Funnily enough, I don't have nice photos of me and my closest friends. The attempt to capture a good shot continues (:
And of course, as we all learn to move on, a good photo of me and friends from 10A16.

10 things about me

I figured the easy way to do an introduction was to start a list. So here it is:

1. I am a person with many contradictions.
2. when I smile at you, I try to mean it.
3. I hate it when people are nice to me because they feel sorry for me, and I try not to do the same to people.
4. sometimes I tire of my own optimism and idealism (this is probably one of the things people don't know about me)
5. I lose my train of thought easily - I just lost it so I'll continue this list when it comes around again.

The world's a little better simply because you exist
I was just thinking about what we mourn when we lose someone close to us. I mean, you don't mourn (as much) when your friend moves to another country as when he/she passes away. I guess it's because of the finality, and also of the idea that the world has lost one person who made it better for you simply by his/her existence. I've really missed these thoughts and talking about it with friends like Sharon and Ji Inn (just thankful Maddie's still close enough!). I talked about it on MSN wiht a guy from my OG/study group though, so this is mostly copied-and-pasted from there:

I think that people close to us are important because of what they "signify" or what they eman to us and the role they play in our lives. Do you ever feel thankful and happier just because there's someone like you? e.g. it's comforting just to know there's someone wo is like-minded, or someone who still believes in dreams, or someone who is genuinely nice.

I guess when you talk about the role they play it's slightly more practical - like your best friend is there to listen to you rant, or to help you out of predicaments, or your mum is there to support the family. When someone you're used to seeing everyday or turning to goes, you can't help feeling that sense of loss. It's like defining what it means to be human, but from a different perspective. defining your loved in in terms of what he/she means to you and his/her influence in your life. And then there are memories and "inside jokes" that you think no one else would ever understand. And when that person goes, you no longer have someone to remember these memories and experiences with. That's sort of what we mouorn when we lose loved ones?

There was also this story about a man who began to overcome his grief by seeing his daughter as a "borrowed gift". I think that idea helps a bit, as the starting point to overcoming your grief. I'm not quite sure how to reconcile the two ideas yet. But this is a quote from the story (ask me for the link if you want- I can't paste it in blogger for some reason).

she was a gift, pure and simple, something I neither earned nor deserved nor had a right to.

Loneliess is solitude without yourself
There've been quite a few posts I wanted to make before this, but I never got around to finishing them. Anyway, this post is about loneliness and its sudden, or perhaps, gradual, re-emergence in my life.

I'll start with the most obvious one. I was reading a classmate's blog and he mentioned how he loves the class, but sometimes it gets lonely. And I thought of this: a room full of people, and each one as lonely as the next. The problem I think, is we just don't click that way, not yet anyway. So we all just sit there, together only in our loneliness, wishing for the times past when we had friends to talk to and laugh with, wishing time would pass quickly and we were free...free to?

It seems like I'm trying to come to grips with loneliness again, trying to learn to hear and listen to my voice, my own thoughts again. But I'm not fully there yet. Sometimes it feels like it's loneliness straight-out. I think solitude isn't really loneliness.

Solitude is about being with yourself. Loneliness is about being with no one at all, not even yourself. And I think that if you get past the loneliness, slowly you'll learn to appreciate solitude.

It's those moments of quiet that we all need in our lives you know?

I'm stuck at loneliness. Loneliness is when you feel the need to be with your friends, to be surrounded by music because you can't stand being without yourself, without anyone.

introduction-less
I tried writing a post introducing my blog, but I didn't publish it in the end. So until I find a way to say what I want to, this will be an introduction-less blog. Meanwhile, you can get straight into looking at some of the entries I wrote this year, transferred from my old blog :)